DISCOVER YOUR INNER SELF

Discover Your Inner Self

‘I can see the silhouette of him riding towards me. He is parting away the molecules of sand peeking out for love. His charming face can be seen from between the blanket of sand spread till the eternity. He is wrapped in the charm of a warrior with the armor of love. His cowboy outfit was covered with the dust of passion. I can see his eyes stuck to mine and reaching for me on his shiny black Arabian horse. My unending wait for my love is finally over. I can hear his heartbeats calling for my smell of passion. It feels like a thousand year, but he is at last in front of me with his crystal deep eyes. He hops down from the horse and bends on his one knee. Offering his hand to me, he asks with a glory in his eyes, to spend my remaining heartbeats feeling his heartbeats. I offer myself to him, reaching out for his hand and glamorously kiss him on his warm wet lips. My passion will be my life forever.’

This is what every other girl dreams of. But this is not the reality, but just a fantasy. In real life, love has infinite kinds of meanings.

In my love story, skip the fantasy part, but all I wanted was somebody who would support and love me as I would love him in the mountain of our lives. I, kind of, found him in my college days. Our love was purely passionate at that time. As most people do, we also made mistake of marrying at a young age, a day after our prom night! I would agree, it was more of a nightmare for me.

My college days were pretty awesome. I had done every possible mischief. I even went into a coma for a week (well that is a long story) because one of my AWESOME nuisances. I thought marriage would be a great indomitable adventure for me. I, Judy, and my ex and first husband Raoul made a pretty good couple in those dependable days. I could always see inevitable and peerless love for me in his eyes. I still envy my past. But there is future to look forward to now.

I was a born dependent child. When young, dependent on parents, then my friends and then my boyfriend. I never ever thought of taking a stand on my own. I was afraid of the outside world that I heard of from the people, best contagious-television and obviously, newspapers. But well, life taught me to fight my fear; that’s the best and the worst thing of life.

I was a sincere, obedient, thrall, grueling idiot. I didn’t know how to handle things. Still I was a good daughter-in-law and a loving wife. I never complained about the born lines made on my palms. I always kept my optimistic attitude in front of my mind; until one day I kicked the nuts of Raoul. Well we will get there.

So I married him the day we both graduated. It was a love marriage. I also had a fantasy about my love. I also expected ‘something’ from my love story. But everybody needs to learn to move on in life.

My first year of the marriage went buttery smooth and it stood a li’l on my expectations. My first anniversary was the turning point of my life. I didn’t understand what happened to his love for me. It turned to core hatred. He started drinking and bickering for the first month. For me those were the ups and downs of the life that I was confronting with my optimistic attitude. But instead it turned into my nightmares.

‘Time heals everything’ but time also spreads infection. The yelling turned to bruises which turned to bleeding. All my fantasy for love turned sour. I couldn’t even share my problems with my family; as I married against their will. I bear the wail for a month more but then came my off-limit point.

I can still remember every moment of that day. It was August, 4. The same day we had our first kiss two years ago. Also, it was the day when I found my independency in me. Imagine the person you could die for, and now imagine kicking him on his balls.

YES, I did that and I am proud of my legs for supporting me when everybody else desolated me. I was the one who filed the paper for divorce. Like every other guy, he begged me not to leave him, but I was not the one I was before marriage. It brought a drastic change in my life. It made me find myself in the crowd of fictitious and pretentious people.

‘One should never revert to his/her pages of their books’. My decision was a hard one and I could feel myself frail sometimes; but being strong at those times is called life. I understood that moving on always bring you good fortune if you ‘believe in yourself’.

At present I am a wildlife photographer. I stood for my dream of exploring the world. I got things straighten-up with my family and friends. And now, I am living in my own farm house with the rooms of memories in my heart, with my love searching its way towards me.